Friday, May 13, 2011

Zombie Awareness Month

According to the Ultimate Authority on Everything, May is National Zombie Awareness Month.

Fearless Females Milla & Michelle.
As devoted fans of the Resident Evil* film series, we Yummish can attest to the necessity of increased awareness of the threat posed by zombies. The simple and frightening truth is that we are constantly beset by soulless creatures who want to devour our brains.

As plastic surgery has come a long way since George Romero's day, the modern zombie can't generally be identified visually. Most are indistinguishable from humans. Some are even quite attractive. No longer limited to non-verbal grunts and groans, today's zombie is able to expressive him/herself quite well. In fact, they tend to be extremely persuasive.

How then, are we to defend ourselves against this threat?

The first step is to learn to recognize them. As with their earlier incarnations, contemporary zombies prefer to travel in groups. Like the zombie hordes of yesteryear, storming into the city, the present-day version flocks to locations and vocations that give them access to the greatest number of victims. Also like their predecessors, they tend to be loud.

Shaun of the Dead: Bloody brilliant
After learning to recognize, and thus better avoid, today's brain-sucker, the next step is to inoculate yourself against the cause of zombism. All of the best zombie movies feature a miraculous, if hard-won “cure” and, in this case, real life is no different. Introducing into your bloodstream a healthy injection of art, science, literature and logic will help you avoid losing both your brain and your soul to mindlessness.

The final step is to develop an escape plan. Following the zombie-movie model, it is best to seek safe haven in the wilderness. Isolated and, therefore, safe from corrupting influences, only in a rural retreat can we make our stand.

This is the paragraph where I tie together the zombie analogy and the mind-rotting nature of our over-stimulated, over-marketed culture, but suspect I've been ham-fisted enough that it is probably unnecessary. Nevertheless, here we go...

Brains... We want brains...
Be cautious of anyone – butcher, baker, candlestick maker, tinker, tailor, soldier or spy – who accepts wholesale and without question, the opinion of another as fact...  And flee in screaming terror from those who would have you do the same. Do not let the zombies eat your brain.      

Today's exercise: Beware of zombies.

Next: Pretty much depends on what I watch on Netflix this weekend...

*I do firmly believe that Milla Jojovich was created in a lab. No mere mortal could be so gorgeous and talented. Girl crush!

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