Thursday, June 10, 2010

Yummish Baptism

Many of today's popular baptism rituals have a Yummish flavor. Most involve some form of ritual cleansing, with, perhaps, the application of a nice smelling unguent at some point, as well as a new outfit and food of some sort afterward. The only problem we can find with baptism rituals is that you only get to do them once, maybe twice if you are born-again in some fashion. Rituals this pleasant really shouldn't be limited to twice in a lifetime.

We Yummish spend our lives trying perfect our own Yum and pursuing the perfection of the greater YUM. This is not an easy task. Everywhere you look, people seem to be working against their own Yum, worse yet, against the greater YUM. The anti-Yummish forces weigh upon us daily, forcing us to think about un-Yummish things, like sickness, death, and thin, bitter coffee. These un-Yummish influences can build up over time like so much psychic smut. The only thing to do is to wash yourself clean. Therefore, Yummish baptism is celebrated daily and can involve many different varieties of ritual.

The most basic Yummish baptism is the Daily Dedication and Renewal. This is the ritual wherein the Yummish follower prepares his or her sacred vessel for the day by freeing the body of any impurities and reconsecrating it for all things Yummish. You might know this as your morning shower or evening bath, or midday sponge bath, or what have you (The Yummish are open to alternative bathing lifestyles!), but it can be so much more. Whether your day permits long, leisurely soaks or a 5-minute cold-water, dry-razor spritz-off, those moments are dedicated to the preparation of your temple. I encourage you to set aside as much time and hot water as you can for this ritual. If your time is limited, find creative ways to make the ritual special. Don't underestimate the importance of the unguents and ointments, fancy spa sets and the like. Getting rid of those rough patches on your knees and elbows seems like a pleasure when scented with flowers or other yummy scents. Extra Yummish points are awarded if you can follow up your dedication with the ritual donning of an outfit you like and something tasty to eat. (The Yummish are big believers in breakfast – a meal where it is not only permitted, but encouraged, to eat large amounts of sugar and caffeine, two of the Yummish Council's favorite drugs.)

The next level of the Yummish baptism is to become the celebrant for another's Dedication and Renewal. It is an opportunity for you to celebrate the Yum of another and for them to relax in the warmth of your Yum. Playful showers with your partner are a prime example of this, but so is bathing your child. Even caring for your pets in this way constitutes a Yummish baptism. What matters is strengthening that Yummish bond. Don't forget to swap roles when appropriate!

The third and most advanced level of Yummish baptism is the Spontaneous baptism. This occurs when you realize that your current situation presents an opportunity for Dedication and Renewal. Some examples of this could be snuggling in a hot tub, swimming in the surf, or kissing in the rain. The important thing is to recognize these opportunities in the moment and mindfully commit to enjoying them while obliterating your ego in the face of the YUM.

As with all things, Yummish baptism must be seen through the filter of moderation. If you spend an entire Saturday in the same sweat clothes you woke up in or let a cranky kid hit the sheets without a full scrub-down your Yum will not be diminished, provided you enjoy and appreciate the act of cutting yourself some slack.

Today's Yummish Exercise:
Lather up!

Next: The Yummish High Holy Season

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