Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Primes of My Life: A Timeline

It has come to my attention that in spite of my best motorcycle-riding, wine-drinking, doughnut-eating efforts to the contrary, this Friday I will mark yet another birthday.

The 37th one. (They say a lady never tells her age. That remains the case.)

The prime of my life... Or one of them, at least...

Below is a chart outlining the many primes of my life, so far.

Age Occupation Chief Source of Entertainment Chief Concern
3 Toddler Sesame Street Obnoxiously adorable blond baby brother hogging all of the parental attention
5 Wearer of pigtails Water slides Not falling down and busting out my front teeth during a dance recital
7 Brat Roller skates Meeting the expected yearly sales goals of both grade school fundraiser chocolate bars and Girl Scout cookies
11 Freckle-faced Nerd Books Getting a$$ kicked for reading books
13 Pseudo-goth Applying layer upon goopy layer of cheap black eye make up and nail polish (Maybelline Great Lash forever!) Skin under eyes stained permanently grey from too much cheap eye makeup. Ditto with the nails and black polish
17 Teen Airhead Boys Boys
19 Theater Major/Drama Queen Parties The aftermath of parties
23 Cog in the machinery of state bureaucracy Motorcycle road trips Finding more exciting roads
29 Marketing/PR Starbucks Iced Caramel Macchiato – by the gallon Caring far too much about my job
31 Marketing/Sales Airline free drink vouchers Caring far too little about my job
37 Writing my little stories The voices in my head That there are voices in my head to which I listen
41* The World's Best Selling Author – EVER The adoration of millions Being crushed by an avalanche while attempting to scale a mountain of gold in my Scrooge McDuck-style money bin

Today's lesson: There are many “primes” in a lifetime. 

Next: More whining about my age! Whee!


1 comment:

  1. I would like to go swimming in your Scrooge McDuck pile of gold. I've always wondered how that worked. I can't wait!