Wednesday, June 29, 2011

When I Get My WABAC Machine

For those of you unfamiliar with the WABAC ( pronounced “wayback”) machine, let me congratulate/pity you for not having spent your childhood in front of the TV, though, for cultural relevancy's sake, it is imperative that you hone up on your “Rocky and Bullwinkle” references* ASAP.

In the interim, it suffices to say that the WABAC machine is a time machine built by a hyper-intelligent cartoon dog, Mr. Peabody. Actually, it is really only necessary to understand that it is a time machine, but I threw in the part about the animated talking dog so you'd have a sense of where this post is coming from.

Below is the list of things I have deemed most important to accomplish should I ever acquire a time machine, in no particular order:

  • Get fall-down giggly-girl drunk on pink champagne with Marilyn Monroe.
  • Photobomb the famous “V-J Day in Times Square” kiss photo.
  • Land a background role in the “La Marseillaise" scene in “Casablanca." Attempt to convince the director that having the crowd spontaneously break into "The Hokey Pokey" would be just as affecting.**
  • Buy AOL stock, pre-IPO.
  • Meet Rasputin. Freak him out by predicting his own future.
  • Meet Lisa Gherardini, the model for da Vinci's Mona Lisa. Ask what's on her mind.
  • Get Shakespeare's autograph... on one of Christopher Marlowe's plays, thus thoroughly confusing academia forever.
  • Attend Woodstock. Bring a box of wet-wipes.
  • Prevent, at all costs, my 9th grade hairdo.
  • Split a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Elvis. Attempt to warn him off of the whole “sequined jumpsuit” thing.
  • Create shivaree-style coitus interruptus outside of his parent's bedroom window on the night the inventor of culottes is to be conceived. Ditto for the creator of the “skort.”
  • Attend the world premier of the original 1977 “Star Wars” movie. Upon leaving the theater, be heard to remark that, “Well, it's pretty obvious to me that Darth Vader is going to end up being Luke Skywalker's father.”
  • Coffee with Alfred Peet. A glass of wine with Robert Mondavi. Dinner with Julia Child. Rum shots with Hunter S. Thompson***.

Today's exercise: What would you do, given the time?

Next: Something filled with charm, wit and poignancy... or not. 

*Get Moose and Squirrel!

**Watch as Peter Lorre shakes it all about! Now that's good cinema!

***The first time I read "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" it was while working at the Oklahoma District Attorney's Council. I read it sitting at my desk, goofing off, because my boss was away at the annual NDAA conference. Mind blown.

1 comment:

  1. What an awesome post! I haven't thought about the WABAC machine in years. I loved Rocky and Bullwinkle. I don't know what I'd do. I'll have to think about it. Maybe I'll blog about it!
    Mona Lisa and Shakespeare had me LOLing.
    BTW, according to my mom, I was at the Star Wars premier in 77. I was 3. I don't remember it, but I'm sure somewhere in the back of my little mind, I totally knew DV was Luke's father.