Friday, September 23, 2011

St. George and the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Meditations on the Stars Wars Saga on Blu-ray (Part 2)

Continuing my stunningly superficial analysis of the Star Wars films on Blu-ray... (St. George in heavenly Marin preserve us.)

A New Hope

Princess Leia looks like my great-grandmother. This is in no way intended as an insult. She really does. See?

Generally speaking, I have a bad motivator.

“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.” Mos Eisley spaceport = Las Vegas

A step-by-step hi-def, big-screen, slow-mo analysis definitively proves it. Greedo shot first.

“She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.” The Millennium Falcon and I have that in common.

“The Force” would be a much cooler sci-fi basis for a hipster celebrity pseudo-religion than Dianetics.” Someone should look into that...

Nostalgia for my misspent youth aside, still one of the best films I've ever seen.

The Empire Strikes Back

Claymation! Muppets! I <3 the 80s!

Han Solo is a total nerf-herder. I could not agree more.

Boba Fett = Best action figure ever.

How come Billy Dee Williams and William Shatner never did a buddy movie together? Seems like someone missed an opportunity there...

Return of the Jedi

There should be a support group for the many women who still have body image issues because of early exposure to Princess Leia and her metal bikini. (Not a single freckle. I could just smack her...)

Ole Miss came so very close to being the coolest University ever. Long live Admiral Ackbar!

Flying motorcycles! Living teddy bears! Redwoods! Can I live on Endore? (I dream of one day moving to Humboldt County, going all Col. Kurtz, and leading my own Ewok Army of Darkness.)

I love a happy ending... especially if there were a whole bunch of really cool explosions preceding it.

Today's lesson: I am not nearly as deep or intellectually-minded as I once thought I was.

Next: Let's see what's next on the Netflix queue: Thor, X-Men First Class, Pirates of the Caribbean 3...

1 comment:

  1. What do you mean you're not deep and intellectual? There are college courses taught about the significance of the Star Wars Universe in cinema and pop culture. You're super deep. Fathomless, even.

    I have to say Princess Leia does bear striking resemblance to your great-grandmother. Did she perhaps live a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away???

    New Hope is the single greatest thing to come out of the '70's (aside from us). That's right, I said it. It defined an entire generation and set the tone all future sci-fi movies.

    And WTF was George thinking changing it??? Han Shot first, dammit! We ALL know this. How dare he mess with our childhood memories? He's officially on my list. That's right, I'm watching you, George (and your movies, you bastard).

    Nerf-herders. Hee. Sounds dirty.

    Oh, and a bit of continuity issue I have with the Jedi and Sith movies is that at the end of Sith, Padme dies just after the Luke and Leia are born. During Jedi, Luke asks Leia what she remembers of her real mother and she responds something about images and music and smells (I can't be bothered to look up the exact words). If Padme dies when they're born, how can Leia have memories???? Don't you even watch your own movies, George?????? You're on my list TWICE!

    BTW, at our house "It's a trap" is uttered at least 2-3 times a week for...various reasons that often don't make sense. We just like to say it (in General Ackbar-ese of course).